Deja Vu

I feel like everyday of this week has been like groundhog day. I sleep and wake up exactly the same time and when I do wake up and switch on the tele, it's the same issues of arthritis being discussed and of course MJ videos and tributes on all the music channels. Even my conversations are the same in the morning and I get a bit paranoid about hearing the same thing over and over again. Yes, I can summarise all this into one word deja vu but I am long-winded with my stories ...so there.

My friend said it's the birthday blues. Like you start to be all depressing and start thinking about your past and where you're headed in life and all that soul searching crap that you think you have dealt with on your last birthday. I honestly thought that I have dealt with it. But you see I guess you will change in a year and so will your priorities and hence I am back at square one, trying to make order and sense of my life. I make it sound like my life is so depressing, it really isn't. It's just I can't quite put my finger on it but something is amiss... I don't run on routines and this whole week has been routine. So back to the drawing board.... I have lunch with the firm. Which honestly I thought I just did last week same time... oh... sorry my bad that was a farewell thing. I feel that my brain is like the intro to BEP's boom boom pow.... going 'Gotta get get ... gotta get get..gotta g-g-g-geettttt get get get'

I need coffee...

Tired

So tireeedddddddddd....

Arrgghhhhhhhhhhh

MJ

I can't believe that MJ is dead. The theme of mortality seems to greet me everywhere. Also, seems a bit of a coincidence that only 2 weeks back when I was working late in the office, the Dangerous album accompanied me throughout the night. I youtubed all his videos and played them, sang along, made up some lyrics as I went along and busted some moves as I walked to the printers. And then there was that long conversation I had recently with friends on how in love we all were (well all 2 of us) with MJ in our teens and how we wanted to take care of him. Of course, Lisa Marie got to it before us. I know he has been a little weird and peculiar and I know some people are totally put off with his antics. I know I was too. But honestly, all I can remember about MJ is the music and the many memories of my teens. I almost teared the other day...but I don't know if it was the whisky coke or watching all those MJ videos back to back on MTV especially the Jackson 5 videos.... my next must sing karaoke song has got to be I'll be there

So depressing man ....

So ...

My question of the week is "So, now what?"

I mean after ticking all the boxes and filling up all the information needed for you to register in this world as a participating player in this game called life. So, now what ? Do I keep ticking boxes and what if I don't understand the choices or worse what if I want to question the limited choices that are offered to me. How do I know for sure?

On hindsight, I don't know if my decision not to attend my graduation in London was a bright idea. Maybe that trip would have been a welcome retreat with the closing of some work that I have been up to lately. So my question still lingers ... now that I have ticked the boxes before me... Now what ?

PrioriTease

I keep doing the same thing over and over again and I can't seem to get it right. I feel slightly annoyed at myself and I can't for the love of God just sit down and write my list. My list of priorities that I need to sort out. Something that I probably should have written long ago in the solitary nights. Perhaps I need a change of scene where the writing takes place, perhaps the sterile environment of work doesn't really help with the creativity, perhaps my room needs another coat of paint or a feature wall, perhaps... I have lost the ability to prioritise. The last time I ended up being like this it took me a year to swing back into action. Well at least I am quick with the BEP album. That one is in the bag. I need a cafe latte... to hell with the diet.